” Bye” , I said in a feeble voice to my friend in hostel.
” Bye, sleep well, its already 2 in the morning” she said in an equally fragile tone.
I waved my head and moved on. On the way back to my room, nothing except few horrifying scenes were flashing in front of my eyes. I was afraid of the dark and the light, of the dog’s bark and the steel cracking, of the girl’s giggle and the guard’s wooden stick crackling. I could barely open my eyes and keep my body moving.
Now what if, I add ” nothing except FUTURE’s horrifying scenes were flashing in front of my eyes”?
Future? Can anyone ever be so haunted by the future? In a young age of 19 where eyes are full of dreams to be accomplished in future, I was horrendously shaken by just the thought of it. But what wobbled my mind and sense?
” What will I do ?”
Discussion with anyone centring these four words incarcerates my mind. The fear of not being able to figure out the exact answer to it makes me numb.
Are we not all like this? May be not All but every FIVE OUT OF FOUR people are. Something about the future nags us constantly. A lot of documentaries and movies have been made, books written but they seem to affect none of us.
We are all IMPRISONED.
Few days back, one of my really close friend heard a devastating news. He was debarred from giving the final semester exams as he could not get credits sufficient enough to be promoted. He was silent for long. Sweat dropping from his forehead, hands moving in an unknown way and eyes staring at unfixed things, looking at him made us all unnerved. But finally he broke his silence.
And said : WHAT NEXT?
We all beamed up. All these hours he was introspecting to look at his present prospects to decide the best for him. He not only accepted the setback like a victor but also thought of the ways to put it down . What he did not do was curse himself for being in such a position and imprison himself in the tensions of the future. He just pumped his brain cells to find a way out and answer conundrums that he would eventually have to.
A glimpse of the future locks our smile but this guy not only got into the real situation, accepted it, handled it and in all this what he did not lose was his precious smile.
We all are here for a purpose, too filmy a line, eh?
But that purpose should never confine our senses. We should never give a feeling the power to cage us. Whether it be fear, love, hatred or despondency.
I’ve wasted a lot of time in frightening myself by asking questions that I am incapable of answering.
But why should I empower those questions to lock my senses?
Shouldn’t I be strong enough to defy those questions, that numbness and the immurement?
Each one of us is haunted by something all our lives. But why to give any inanimate thing or for that matter any soul the strength to horrify us?
We are our own warriors. The shoulders that you have are hard enough to make you stand out and softened sufficiently to support you during the difficult days. Your legs, your hands, your eyes, your ears, everything that you have is precious and your only support system till the end.
Who says heart and mind cannot co-exist? They both are lovers. When one becomes weak, the other assists.
I’m working on it. I hope you do too.