I’d often stand in front of the mirror and body shame myself. No sooner,I had started defaming my body type. In this process, I never realised that it wasn’t the heart talking but ears dominating my mind. The people who could see my eyes drowned in shame when I couldn’t pull off the hottest dress in town would often say some words of deference. But who would put it through my mind?
But I’d always fail and cry as brokenly as I could as a consequence. A lot of people made fun of me when my flab peeped out of my skin fit dress. I could never learn to ignore them. Soon, I started dieting and exercising. I reduced a lot of weight back then. But for whom did I lose my weight? Why did I let them decide what I am or will do in my life? Who are they? By pushing myself unnecessarily to live up to others’ definition of me, I had lost myself.
But maturity spelled its magic wand and I realised my goals. However, listening to any of those people who bitched about me, wasn’t one of them.
Few days back, I was into a conversation with my aunt. She is extremely health conscious and a gym freak. While conversing with her, I realised, she wanted to maintain an ideal figure for people to appreciate her body style. And because of that I could see a lot of pressure management in her life. I asked her,you starve yourself, you work more than required to stay healthy or look beautiful?
To look beautiful, she said. For whom was she working out? One old man kept her out of sight and she’d get upset. But why? Look beautiful for yourself. Beauty is such a perceptive thing that it can make you go crazy if you try living up to everybody’s definition of it.
It’s your body and your choice. Till how many years are you going to live for the people? Till when will you keep the people ,who don’t even want to know if you’re dead or alive, happy?
Before you try finding love for yourself on this huge land of humans, start loving yourself. Fat, slim, dwarf, long, etc,your body imperfections cannot veil your soul’s perfection.
Don’t let your emotions get entangled in people’s speech. Carve out your own thoughts and path and trust me, the destination will be a utopian land.