Some days are hard. You cannot find a way to break through it. They just weave their sieve and you are that tiny particle stuck in that sieve or may be worse, lying on it. You scramble to left and try to shift your ass out but that self knitting of the wires which engulfs you more firmly, shatters your strength.
A day. 24 hours long. A 1440 minutes of torture. 86,000 seconds of devastation. Some days are just too bright but fast. These are the days I usually skip while counting my endless devastating days. Some days come with a plan to screech away your little happy moments and lock you in a room with no door opening out, just a billion more to go inside.
And when things don’t work well, or you think they won’t, an inevitable fear dwells in your heart and subjugates your mind. Sitting in a hot common room under a slowly rotating ceiling fan with a table fan trying to rescue me to a colder place, I feel glad for not giving up to my fears and insecurities. Sometimes, your courage defeats you and when that happens, I do not know if it’s a matter of celebration or not but one thing that I know for sure, it is a conglomeration of the lost self satisfaction, self confidence and happiness.
When people say, fight your fear, be courageous, be confident, be that , be bla, such suggestions drain with no left overs but when you gather the courage to put down yourself in order to bring out the suppressed brighter side, these phrases attain a meaning and make you discover new heights.
10 days back, seeing the ends meet was a forgone dream. I did n’t even try to provoke myself to actually help the drowning me. The courage inside me somehow took a stand, held my hand and pulled me outside the endless abyssal depth of fear. I tried to shook off its hand but loyal companions don’t leave so easily. It took me to the end and made me do what I had ought for. I don’t care about the result but the journey of courage against the will of fear was a joyous success.
I hope it never leaves my side and helps me win small battles of a quotidian life because little joys are the reason behind long lives.
Photo courtesy- Rahul Verma